Thoughts About Growing Old(er)

When I was pre teen years I wanted to get into the teens as quickly as possible. In my generation the thought was to get freedom, from most of all mom and dad. This drive only became stronger when we became teenagers. Then almost suddenly by the time we were 18 or so we found that mom and dad let us go, that is as long as we didn't do anything that brought shame to our family. We got jobs, met young ladies, went into the armed services through the draft and married when we got out. Imagine, by the time a guy was 22 or 23 and the gal was 19 or 20 they were on their own, with some help from mom and dad but for the most part they had to be the masters of their own ship and the crew members were 3, 4 or 7 or 12 kids. It took a little over 2 decades or a little less than 2 decades and we were sailing our own ships just like mom and dad and all our relatives. Yep that's right we were grown up.

Then our kids grew up just as fast and lived their own lives and suddenly we were grandparents then we got older and one of us succumbed to the pains of living a long life and now one was left to grow old (er) by themselves. For me the best time of my life wasn't only one era but many. The joys of playing the trumpet, the experience of my wife and me kissing for the first time, our chikldren being born healthy and growing up being a pain in the ass just like I was to my mom (never my dad he just seemed confused by me). Or a solitude moment when I was walking guard duty in Georgia, 3rd. Infantry Division, Fort Benning and I took a moment and stopped in my tracks and looked up at the clear night sky and saw all the stars bright against the night's sky, just beautiful. Being a New Yorker I don't think I ever saw such nighttime beauty like that and I'll never forget it.

Now that I am getting real old I am not sure how it'll all end but reflecting back it was a great ride. I do regret that no one really sees the guy who lives inside of me anymore all they see is this guy who walks slower, a little bent over who still likes the beauty of a woman, a good steak and a good shot of Scotch. Looking in the mirror that's all I see so I try not to look in mirrors unless I have to instead I just close my eyes and remember, remember that beautiful gal who loved me and I loved her and the wonderful life we had even though it had rough spots but then that's what made the smooth spots that much smoother. By the way I wouldn't want to end this thoughtful essay without giving a shout out to my God, Father, Jesus and The Holy Spirit and my Guardian Angel and Patron Saints without whom I could have never got this far, the details of which could be the subject of a good movie.