I'm Afraid The Masquerade Is Over And So Is Love

The lyrics of the following song written so many years ago tell the story that laments
the love that's died but is trying to live a lie. So true then, still true now!


My blue horizon is turning grey And my dreams are drifting away Your eyes don't shine like they used to shine And the thrill is gone when your lips meet mine I'm afraid the masquerade is over And so is love, and so is love Your words don't mean what they used to mean They were once inspired, now they're just routine I'm afraid the masquerade is over And so is love, and so is love I guess I'll have to play Pagliacci And get myself a clown's disguise And learn to laugh like Pagliacci With tears in my eyes You look the same, you're a lot the same But my heart says "no, no, you're not the same" I'm afraid the masquerade is over And so is love, and so is love

The tales of the heart may be as old as time itself but the very human interactions
that give rise to emotions never do.

All Or Nothing At All

He Reached that point where he realized that whatever they had they didn't have anymore. They were burning up the bed sheets and she said she never had love like she was having with him, it was filled with passion yet she knew that the passion never over rode the respect and pure love he had for her and she had for him.

But a couple of years into their relationship she ran into her old love. Suddenly it became important for her to speak with him quite a bit, whenever he called she was there to talk about whatever they had to talk about. The fact was she started to see him occasionally and while he was sure she never cheated she did make sure she told him that her old love tried to come on to her.

Eventually the passion that was so important to her lost the fire and their sex lives became indifferent. Eventually the passion was lost, the fire was gone. She didn't think it was necessary to touch, even holding hands stopped. Can anyone imagine a relationship where the very touch of each other turns one off? He couldn't and tried many times to see if they could reignite at least a little flame. The only words left that would define this relationship were "I love you." whenever they would depart or send messages. He felt this would never be what it once was and that was OK with him if they could just shake hands and say goodbye it was fun but the what was isn't anymore. But she just didn't want to give up the ghost and let go. The old touch song, "All Or Nothing At All" caught his feelings.

 All or nothin' at all

Half a love never appealed to me
If your heart, never could yield to me
Then I'd rather have nothin' at all

All or nothin' at all
If it's love, there is no in-between
Why begin then cry for somethin' that might have been
No I'd rather have nothin' at all

Oh please don't bring your lips close to my cheek
Don't smile or I'll be lost beyond recall
The kiss in your eyes, and the touch of your hand makes me weak
And my heart may grow dizzy and fall

And if I fell under the spell of your call
I would be caught in the undertow
And so you see, I've got to say "No, no"
All or nothin' at all
All or nothin' at all

He wasn't sure where this would end but he was sure it would end because he really felt any relationship he was in had to be "All Or Nothing At All"!

The New York Yamkees

I was about five years old when I went to my cousin Tom's room and he had the Yanks on the radio and a big poster of Joe DiMaggio hanging on the wall. The pin stripe uniform looked great on someone who was an Italian stallion before anyone ever heard of Sylvester Stallone.  He was the toast of the country with a song that led the charts with lyrics that said "Joe, Joe DiMaggio we want you on our side!".

The Yanks were my team through the war years WW II and on as they built a baseball dynasty that seemed like they'd never lose, but they did and years through the middle 1960's through the late 1979's were miserable until they won again with Reggie Jackson hitting three home runs in one World Series game.

Teams left us, The Brooklyn (Dem Bums) Dodgers and The New York Giants went to the other coast but the Yankees stayed home always giving the fans the best they could. The Mets came along in 1961 I believe with a first year line up that resembled the Brooklyn Dodgers but the team that left gave us only aging ball players that tried hard but truthfully didn't have much gas left in their tank.

Another dynasty was built in the 1990's with the core four led by Derek Jeter and the glory years returned. I have been a Yankee fan for 78 years and saw great teams and great players but the Yankees of 2017 will be my favorite from now on even though they didn't get to the World Series. Why? one may ask! I'll tell you why, because they played the game with joy, gusto and elan never losing the fact that it really doesn't matter if you win or lose (winning is nicer though) it's how you play the game that counts.

They Played the game with joy. They looked like they enjoyed every minute of the time they were out on the field including work out times. They never scowled when they lost or were in individual slumps and future stars were seen giving ball to kids, taking selfies with them and always smiling. They didn't cheat, the younger guys had respect for the veterans and the veterans had respect for the younger budding stars.

For me they brought back memories of so long ago when I played sandlot ball loving every minute of being on that baseball field. They may have lost the big baseball prize but they won the hearts of the fans young and old alike because they brought the game back to us, to me anyway, of when I was young and the game was full of heroes and fun to play win. lose or draw.

Thank you Yankees of 2017. You guys are great!

White House Chief of Staff

John Kelly (General Ret.) was stunned and shocked at a Representative of Congress for making statements about his Commander In Chief's seemingly lack of empathy that she overheard by invitation of the fallen soldier's grieving widow. He also commented on how he was stunned and shocked by the lack of respect shown to women, religion, and respect for the great sacrifice made by our heroes which are the very few who defend this country.

I have questions. Did you know that Donald Trump never served in the Armed Services because he got a doctor's note that said he had problems with his feet? Did you know that Donald Trump attacked Senator John McCain for being captured by the enemy while he was serving our country very heroically, a gallant soldier like yourself? Did you know that Donald Trump bragged about his fornications and committed adultery? Did you know that Donald Trump admitted that he assaulted women as a matter of fact just because he could? Did you know that Donald Trump attacked a gold star family because they expressed different views than him?  There are many more questions that could be asked but we shall let the investigations answer those.

General Kelly the main question arises because your were stunned and shocked at all this the other day showing great distress and dismay; Why are you still serving this person who has brought disgrace to everything you hold sacred? You are not an empty barrel but sometimes it sure sounds like you are. Don't let this man ruin your reputation. Stand up for what you say you believe in.

Don't be a cover for a disgrace or else you shall be one also.   

Where Did It All Go Wrong???

He spent some time thinking about this situation that happened, which by the way he never sought but she did, which caused an upheaval in his life that went from the heights of love to the depths of despair until everything just leveled off and he was left with Alfred Lord Tennyson's quote. " 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Admittedly, their attraction was more physical than spiritual although he wanted it to rise to the level of the spirit but she never really wanted that. They knew each other when they were much younger but they went their separate ways many years prior to their chance meeting at a department store. They both noticed each other at first glance even though they had changed greatly over the years, yet there was something that rang through to the brain lobes as soon as their eyes met. After they stopped for only a bit showing mutual recognition acknowledging one another they started to part. But as they were about to go their separate ways they reached out to shake hands and as soon as their skins touched it was like a chemical reaction was set off in each of them, somehow sexual recognition was there, a want, an attraction something unexplainable. So he asked if they could get together for lunch and she said sure.

They met for lunch at a place near her work. There was a parking lot that allowed her to drive to it so they met at her office and drove to their place where she parked. They were more than middle aged but they had lunch with two glasses of wine. Then they got into her car. She wanted to wait for the wine to wear off. However before they knew it they were making out like teenagers with hormones running wild not caring if anyone would see them no matter how foolish these "older" people looked.

He didn't live alone so they had no place to go to fully consummate their desires, but the opportunity came up a few times. It was then that she let him know that relationship of more than a decade just ended because the passion had gone out of it and her lover wouldn't leave his wife and she's always be "the other woman".

They realized they couldn't keep this up in cars or a chance visit to his place so she suggested the place she knew, one used in the other relationship because he went back to live with his wife.
He should've recognized the change in her as soon as they entered the room but he was blinded by his own desires and didn't notice that she wasn't sharing anymore she was directing, where they would sit, how they would drink their wine and talk before they stripped and entered the bed.

The real tip off should have come when one day she said our relationship was cutting into her friendships that she had for many years and she didn't want to lose them. Among the people she wanted to keep in touch with was her old lover who for some reason she had an attachment relating to her family that needed continuation.

Their love making started to cool. Suddenly what their attraction was, was being explained as infatuation which of course would cool. Then whatever they did did not satisfy her. At one time the fire burned so fiercely they didn't have to think about what they did but now they did. They argued quite a bit. She constantly compared him to her old lover to whom she kept in contact with. She didn't cheat physically but created an environment in which he felt like he losing everything in this relationship. Plans to spend time together away from home were no longer desired by her. She finally reached the point where they wouldn't touch at all, no hand holding, her head wouldn't rest on his shoulder, they'd kiss hello and goodbye but closeness in mind, body, life in general was over.

He came to the conclusion he caught her on the rebound. Once the rebound was over he figured she really didn't understand where her feelings were at. Perhaps if her old lover left his wife she'd go back to him, perhaps not but she certainly seemed more in tune with him as she might be with anyone else.

Now this relationship is one he really doesn't want but he doesn't know how to break it off without it becoming a breakup with the worst feelings generated by words that wound deeply. One thing is sure he doesn't want to keep running in neutral and being rejected while there are still places to go and explore.

September Song (May/December Relationships)

September first of any year always brings to mind that life no matter how long is relatively short and wasted in many cases. This is expressed so vividly in the great song from the 1938 production, Knickerbocker Holiday when an older guy tries to explain to his younger love what life and love is all about. Today he might very well be laughed at but George Bernard Shaw  seemed to catch the irony of it all when he said the following which is ascribed to him:"Youth is wasted on the young.".

For those caught up in this type of relationship and for those who might be in the future I have printed the lyrics to"The September Song". Those who have eyes read and let it sink in. For those who want to hear it performed go to uTube and type in the the title. Enjoy!

When I was a young man courting the girls

I played me a waiting game

If a maid refused me with tossing curls

I'd let the old Earth make a couple of whirls

While I plied her with tears in lieu of pearls

And as time came around she came my way

As time came around, she came

Oh, it's a long long while from May to December

But the days grow short when you reach September

When the autumn weather turns the leaves to flame

And you ain't got time for waiting game

When days dwindle down to a precious few

September November,

And these few golden days I'd share with you

Those golden days I share with you

When you meet with the young girls early in the Spring

You court them in song and rhyme

They answer with words and a clover ring

But if you could examine the goods they bring

They have little to offer but the songs they sing

And the plentiful waste of time of day

A plentiful waste of time

Oh, it's a long, long while from May to December

But the days grow short when you reach September

When the autumn weather turns the leaves to flame

One hasn't got time for the waiting game

Oh, the days dwindle down to a precious few

September, November

And these few precious days I'll spend with you

These precious days I'll spend with you

This Time The Dreams On Me

"This Time The Dream's On Me"

Somewhere, someday
We'll be close together, wait and see
Oh by the way,
This time the dream's on me

You take my hand
and you look at me adoringly
But as things stand
This time the dream's on me

It would be fun
To be certain that I'm the one
To know that I, at least, supply the shoulder you cry upon

To see you through
Till you're everything you want to be
It can't be true, but
This time the dream's on me

It would be fun
To be certain that I'm the one
To know that I, at least, supply the shoulder you cry upon

To see you through
Till you're everything you want to be
It can't be true, but
This time the dream's on me
This time the dream's on me

I sung this to someone in another time , another place. Unfortunately she wasn't able to respond but I know she heard me and soon this time the dream will be on both of us.

The Dark Night Of The Soul

They had a great start to a relationship. Their attraction to one another was so strong that the mere touch set off sparks that could only be put down by lying with each other until they were exhausted by their expression of their physical love. He guessed it was their infatuation stage. He read that the images of the brain during infatuation stages of couples reflected brain waves of people on drugs. They acted as if they were on drugs spending hours on the phone, looking for ways to spend time together especially finding the hot sheets of the local Inns the only way they could put out the fire that was burning in their hearts.

Like all fires the flames started to lose their energy. She started to long for old flames, not to cheat or lay with them but she missed the spark they engendered and suddenly he did not. It was like the tide changing, The waters ebbing until suddenly high tide was gone and low tide never was really any good for a good swim.

Time on his side was running out. Due to genetic makeup his time on earth was going to expire at the very most over the next decade. He wasn't quite sure when it would happen but happen it would. Knowing that his time was limited he wanted to enjoy life to the fullest each day. But it was getting more and more difficult knowing that he was being rejected on a physical level by the very person he spent the most time with. Even though they were still involved in a relationship it was one that resembled more platonic than a lovers relationship. Neither one was strong enough to break off but it was becoming clearer to him that they had in fact already broke off but just hadn't taken the steps to recognize it.

He was at wits end because he didn't know what to do. He wanted to have a relationship that reflected what they actually were to each other. If she wanted old lovers or even new lovers to spark that fiery sex experience he no longer created that was all right with him. When they were first experiencing this break in their relationship he certainly reacted badly towards this, besides being rejected she preferred others which was a deepening of rejection. But he he just didn't care if she rejected him on this level anymore because to tell the truth he had no desire to be between the sheets with her anymore. What he wanted was clarity and truth in what they meant to one another rather than going through the motions. Yet he just didn't know how to get to this level without destroying any relationship they had left. And more than all that he was well aware that the shortened time he had left to enjoy the fruits of this world was getting shorter by the day and more than ever he wanted to spend that time in peace of soul, truth and love in all its forms, because quite frankly life without passion is not life in the fullest.

Just Friends Lovers No More

A beautiful song that has been recorded by the greats Sinatra, Billie Holiday, Bobby Darin , Billy Eckstine among all of them. Check out Utube and listen with great pleasure as they tell the story of love broken, and the ashes that remain are filled with Friends.  

I might add quoting the Poet despite what ever happens it is far better to have love and lost than never to have to loved at all.

"Just Friends"

Just friends, lovers no more
Just friends but not like before
To think of what we've been
And not to kiss again

Seems like pretending
It isn't the ending
Two friends drifting apart
Two friends but one broken heart

We loved, we laughed, we cried
Then suddenly love died
The story ends and we're just friends

We loved, we laughed and we cried
Then suddenly love died
The story ends and we're just friends

The Trump Administration A Total Embarrassment

By  now most of the world must have seen the June 12,  2017  Donald Trump full cabinet meeting. something that could have been a nice innocuous thing to do giving a nice check mark to a Presidency that doesn't have many "nice" check marks.   A photo Op that could have just introduced the full cabinet to the world for the first time.  Instead it turned out to be what should be a very embarrassing exhibition where the world's richest and most powerful people licked Trump's boots (I could say something else but for now I'll stay with boot licking) thanking him, bowing to him verbally, and even invoking the spiritual by saying it was "such a blessing" to be able to serve him. All but one did this. General James Mattis, The Secretary of Defense said it was an honor to to be associated with the men who serve us the American people. I am surprised he didn't just get up and walk out of this disgusting exhibition that would befit the rulers of a third world power like North Korea.

The comedians are having a field day with this as are the political pundits who know when they see a farce and call it such. Even Senator Chuck Schumer and his staff made fun of the Donald Trump reality show. But one thing has to be remembered, no matter how ridiculous this appears this is a very serious thing we are watching. Under Donald Trump we, America, are becoming laughing stocks of the world. We are headed by a narcissistic person at the best or a mentally deranged one at the worst who can set off a nuclear holocaust in a moment of pique feeling unappreciated and not honored.

On top of all this it is quite possible that Trump and his family are using the Presidency to increase their wealth by letting foreign powers maker payments to them by using their facilities so that they can curry favors from them. There is an emoluments case in the courts today filed my the Attorney Generals of two jurisdictions.

Our Republican party is standing by and watching all this happen without taking action because , it would appear, they don't want to lose power putting party above country. One wag said Paul Ryan, The Speaker of The House, is the only man to prove that it IS possible to live without a spine. Mitch McConnell is just being Mitch, no surprise there.

Hopefully our checks and balances will make this nightmare come to an end soon before the whole world blows up leaving only the Trumps and their ilk to live in prosperity like the kings they really aspire to be.

 

Us Lovers

Saw a nice little movie called "The Lovers" staring Debora Winger and Tracy Letts which tells the story of a marriage gone stale and the husband and wife juggling  affairs  It was billed as a comedy but I didn't view it as such. I thought it was a character study of  people in a life no longer filled with spark and passion but of dullness and boredom. Some people who saw this movie didn't like it as they thought it was  slow moving and filled with characters that were totally unlikeable. I thought it captured life as it is reminding me of characters I knew or heard about.  Verisimilitude is the noun I would use to describe the way I feel about this movie. Perhaps it hits to close to home for those who disagree with my critique.

The pace of the movie captures the true pace of life, moving slowly for the most part until some crisis happens and then the pace quickens until the crisis is resolved in some manner and then life returns to its normal pace. The main characters seem to have a life of cheating on each other without any explanation as to when it happened or why it happened. They aren't bad people just very fragile ones who can't seem to get hold of their emotions. I know of a woman who began cheating shortly after she thought he husband cheated on her. She kept the affair up even as she was in other torrid ones.

I know of a married couple who had affairs shortly after they took their marriage vows. They experienced only a few affairs one relationship took more than a decade and of course just like the characters in the movie they promised their lovers that they would divorce and be free to marry but when push came to shove they broke the affair and they are coupled to this day, still not very happy.

The characters in the movie were captivated by sex and the feelings of pleasure sexual behaviour gave but they never truly experienced sexual feelings that included love, a sharing of bodies that gave themselves entirely one to the other. Therefore in all actuality all they ever experienced is lusty love making but not love building. They became bored after some time and needed new charges to re-liven their batteries. Unfortunately these good but misguided people will never find happiness unless and until they find the elixir of life which is a blending of the physical and spiritual which is human love.

If you get a chance see the movie, maybe on demand if you miss it at the cinema. But don't judge the characters just see them as flawed human beings as we all are but happily not in the same way.  

  

The Joy of Love

Today the rain is coming down rather heavily. There is no place to go, nothing that has to be done, so it is better to wait for the storm to pass. But days like this bring me back some sixty years or so.

I was a young man on the rise. I was sitting in a classy hotel overlooking the Copacabana Beach in Rio and it was empty because despite the temperature being about 85 degrees the rain was coming down much like it is today here in New York City.

I was restless because my business was concluded and I was waiting for the official papers unblocking a quarter of a million dollars that I convinced the Brazilian financial authorities to release to my company who solely need it.  It was a big deal that resulted in a promotion and a large salary increase. I really wanted to go out on the beach, swim in the ocean and watch the Cariocas revel in Rio's playground. That's what I thought but what I really wanted was to be with my wife who was thousands of miles away back home in New York City.

God she was beautiful, beautiful and sexy. A tiger in bed that was ready to play in the sand box anytime and anywhere. Being in show business and making a name for myself and my company afforded me plenty of wild beautiful Cariocas, all it would take is a phone call. The only phone call I wanted to make was to my beautiful woman waiting at home for me to come home.

Don't get me wrong sex was and is fun and tingling and exhilarating but for me it has to be with someone I love. To tell you the truth I miss the feeling of soft skin besides me, The exchange of hot breath as we grope and explore bodies. The experience that is shared only by two lovers. Many like the feeling of the sexual experience but only a few experience the lifting of two bodies to meld the spirit. Unfortunately many think this type of thing must be for the young and aging but not the old. It is too bad many think that way because one of the worst things about being old is the exclusion from life's very enjoyable moments just because one is old.

I am transported today some sixty years in the past on a hot rainy day in Brazil looking out of the window to blend into today, a hot July, NYC day which is raining and very much like that day I remember except sixty years have gone by, my beautiful sexy woman only lives in my memory because she has gone to greater glory some years ago and I miss her very much.

I tried relationships but with each one the baggage, children, grandchildren, past relationships and the fact that I am old all played into making those relationships less than what would be desired. But I have no regrets about the life I had or the one I have. But it would be nice to experience before I die the joy of being totally involved with a person who was totally involved with me. After all that's what love is all about. Isn't it?