He lay naked on the bed dragging on a Marlboro staring out his window, looking along the Avenedia Copacabana towards Corcavado withe the Cristo Rendentor statue all lit up looking down on Rio with His arms outstretched looking to embrace all who lived there in His loving arms. He wondered how Cristo could love the city he always was looking at when the city seemingly was always rejecting him. He drew in a deep gulp of smoke before he snuffed out the cigarette in the ash tray that was on the bedside end table. He sat on the side of the bed and still in the dark he lifted the small bottle of Scotch that he took from the refrigerator and let the distinctive scotch taste with the alcoholic sting swivel in his mouth before he swallowed it. He lay back and lit another Marlboro dragging in the warm smoke as he let his gaze drift towards The Hunchback mountain looking directly at Cristo Rendentor.
They had just made love for the last time. She was warm, soft and wonderful to the touch. The evening started out so great, they professed their undying love and couldn't contain themselves until they got to his room. Their love was unbridled, furious and passionate. Afterwards they lay exhausted in each other's arms happily content in their love for one another. They began to speak of their lives which was certainly going to change for the better he thought. He was still married but was in the middle of a messy divorce agreement. He assured her that he was committed only to her and as soon as the divorce was final they could get married. Once he mentioned that he noticed a distinct change in her whole composure, she froze.
She tried to explain that before they could even think of something as permanent as marriage they had to get to know each other better. He tried to get her to open up and let him in to her life, what had made her the person she was but she resisted. She finally said she could never commit solely to him because she had loves in her life that would always claim a part of her. She would be happy to be with him but he had to know that she could never be his a hundred percent but when she would be with him then their world would only be theirs. When she left him to go wherever she had to go then he would be excluded until they could meet again. She was asking him to accept her without question or restriction and she placed no restrictions on him.
He explained that it was bad enough to be going through a divorce which was like a death, but to have to choose between letting her go or accepting what seemed like an untenable relationship only added to the agony. Finally they embraced and wept because they knew that this affair had come to an end and there is nothing sadder than a love affair that dies. He watched her as she dressed. She reached the door turned and said, "I'll always love you.", to which he replied "And I, you!". As the door shut leaving him alone in the room he wondered how anyone could still love when the rejection was full and complete.
He was laying on the bed looking out his window at Corcavado, Cristo Rendentor contemplating this very thought and then he realized that the rejection Cristo must have felt did not stop him from loving the very ones, the very place rejecting him but only made Him love them more, as it must be in this case where his one true love rejected him forever yet he couldn't stop loving her for the rest of his life.
No comments:
Post a Comment