I Know I'm Getting Old When......

I know I'm getting old when:

I can say with impunity I really don't think it was necessary for Simpson to pose nude for Elle when she looks like she is ready to give birth to sextuplets. It just isn't pretty!

Rush Limbaugh can say that young, beautiful women are having sex, sex, sex all the time and I don't care.

I know I'm getting old when:

I can remember when Basketball was not a contact sport and the players were underpaid.

I can remember when the real revenue maker for baseball was the tickets bought at games not the merchandising generated by selling items that makes grown men who wear them or display them look like fools, and the players were underpaid.

I know I'm getting old when:

There is a big wind that causes that pretty young thing's dress to blow up in the air and I put my head down and grab my Yankee cap because the cap is more important than her legs and the color of her bloomers.

I use the term bloomers for panties, or thongs and everybody laughs except the members of my Senior club.

I know I'm getting old when:

I really am not frightened when I am threatened with fire and brimstone by the preacher for having impure thoughts since I have forgotten what they are.

I am really not frightened by the preacher who is telling me from the pulpit that unless I tithe I will go to hell because 10% of nothing is still nothing.

I know I am getting old when:

I try to run across the street and all parts of my body is in motion yet I seem to be standing still and yet the cars refuse to hit me.

I arrive at a door at the same time a big hulking guy arrives, he is going out and I am going in. I gird myself for a confrontation. I'm not going to get out of the way and he steps aside and says. "After you sir.". The bastard!

I know I am getting old when:

The only girls that I attract are older than me.

That when I ogle a pretty young thing she giggles and whispers to her friend "He's a cute old guy.".

I know I am getting old when:

Just the thought of having a glass of wine gets me sleepy.

Too much of anything to drink including water is too much for obvious reasons.

The guys I went to grammar school get together and I am the youngest one there. Boy have they gotten old.

I know I am getting old when:

I can't remember what I wanted to say after  I started to say it. But I shall stay forever young by knowing when to leave and that is what I am doing now, I think.