The first six months after her death he would get many signs that she was still with him, dreams, songs that meant so much to them and other matters that reminded him of times that only they would know about, experiences having to do with their deep love. Over the last two and a half years the dreams stopped, the songs were no longer as poignant and it seemed as if she was drifting away from him. Oh yeah, she had plenty of time for their children and grandchildren as they experienced dreams and little hints that she was watching over them and they loved that. But especially today he felt she was forgetting him. Her new existence had no room for him. He was hurt and angry. He complained to her directly but felt he was only talking to himself or the air, which led him to conclude that if he wanted to reach her he would have to do something to increase the focus on what he was saying. He got into his car and drove to the cemetery where she was interred. "I'm going to direct my thoughts and feelings directly to her headstone as I stand over her grave and then maybe she'll listen to me.".
It was before eight in the morning when he arrived at her grave site. There was no one around except some workers in sections that were far from her section. He got out of the car and stood in front of the headstone and just stared at it for a few minutes with his mind being blank. Then memories from the past flooded his mind. Their first date, their first time making love, their first child, their first big fight and on and on. He looked around and confirmed that no one was around and started to speak aloud.
"Hey Honey, I know this isn't where you are contained but for now this is where I feel closest to you. I miss you a lot. I love you, mucho, mucho. BUT what the hell is going on? When you first left me you managed to let me know you were around all the time. Now it seems you have time for everyone else but me. This spiritual state you are in, does it exclude me? I know that it is said in the after-life there is no such thing as husband or wife, but I never bought that. I mean, if you are in love then love is for all eternity. Someone once said '....all that remains is Faith, Hope and Love but the greatest of these is love.', if love is the greatest then I believe if two people love one another then that love lives on never to be destroyed. We made that promise to each other before we became husband and wife. We made that promise when you agreed to be my girl! At that time you said yes to being my girl but you added that meant I was your guy. At that time we were no longer two individuals but a new unity owned by each other bonded in love. Well if this is so where the hell have you been? Are you still my girl? I feel I am still your guy but you have to own that feeling. Do you? Let me know!"
He realized he had become louder and more vocal than he expected and some of the workers had moved closer to do some work and to keep an eye on him. He retreated back into himself and asked her to show him something, some sign that he was still her guy. There was nothing happening except for the workers cutting grass. There was no birds, no rustling of trees, no sudden wind. NOTHING! The silence was deafening. He touched the headstone and said silently, "OK, if that's the way it is I guess that's the way it is going to be. I'll just have to get accustomed to this new state between us.".
He got back into his car and decided to get his 7/11 coffee and newspaper. His body was still hurting. He was still a little light headed.. He turned to his favorite sports station and was half heartily
Nothing you can say
Can tear me away from my guy
Nothing you could do
'Cause I'm stuck like glue to my guy
I'm stickin" to my guy
Like a stamp to a letter
Like the birds of a feather
We stick together
I'm tellin' you from the start
I can't be torn apart from my guy
Nothing you can do
Could make me untrue to my guy
Nothing you could buy
Could make me tell a lie to my guy
I gave my guy my word of honor
To be faithful and I'm gonna
You best be believing
I won't be deceiving my guy
As a matter of opinion I think he's tops
My opinion is he's the cream of the crop
As a matter of taste to be exact
He's my ideal as a matter of fact
No muscle bound man
Could take my hand from my guy
No handsome face
Could ever take the place of my guy
He may not be a movie star
But when it comes to being happy we are
There's not a man today
Who could take me away from my guy
No muscle bound man
Could take my hand from my guy
No handsome face
Could ever take the place of my guy
He may not be a movie star
But when it comes to being happy we are
There's not a man today
Who could take me away from my guy
The song was fading away as he pulled into the lot. Some people might say the poetry didn't reach the heights of Whitman and Frost but he thought it was great. Suddenly his body didn't hurt as much and the light headiness was gone. As he entered the store the clerk he knew asked. " What's the big smile about? Don't you know the Yanks lost last night?" to which he replied, "I just got some great news that makes this day a great day to be alive.". To celebrate he got a Danish to go with his coffee.
1 comment:
That's a nice sign. She's still there, you just have to keep looking. BTW I haven't seen much of her lately either.
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