Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Reap The Wild Wind and Live!

Life has a way of playing funny tricks. He had many disappointments and a few triumphs but he had decided a few years ago to stop playing at the game. He loved, and lost. There was a burning feeling, a searing of the soul that went along with both experiences. He felt all the better for having had those experiences but quite frankly it all took too much out of him. He decided to get his life on an even plane. He had enough of the dreams, hopes, loves had and lost. The best thing to do is get everything in order. No bumps in the road like having a dream of swinging for the fences and then just having the ball reach the warning track and die into the outfielder's glove. No new relationships that with all the joys, heights of emotions are followed by the thud of watching them crash destroying all the hopes and passion that was associated with them. F***K it he thought, life's crazy roller coaster rides are going to be over for me. It is better to have an orderly life with no great hopes or expectations but a life controlled by logic which will lead to a stable environment, with lower expectations but fewer highs and lows. This may be duller but less painful. And so as I said before he settled into being very comfortable not expecting too much but getting through the days and nights without any pain what-so-ever. He acknowledged to himself that the life he was living might be a bit hum drum but at least he was avoiding the big swings of emotions associated with high goals, and a loving relationship. Yes he was quite comfortable.

Then quite by chance he met someone he knew from a very long time ago. The fact of the matter was he didn't recognize this person at first but as they talked the images of the past began to unfold in his mind and he realized he did know the one he was talking with and he felt surprisingly at ease in striking up a conversation after all these years. They exchanged contact numbers and agreed to be in touch. When they parted he thought they'd probably never see each other again. But as it happened one day when he was walking in town they spotted one another and instead of him running away he ran toward this person. The talk was easy and without realizing it he suggested they meet for dinner. They continued to meet and suddenly his complacency stared to fade as he looked forward with expectations towards each meeting. Suddenly his aspirations were starting to make him reach higher. Suddenly he wanted to have goals, succeed again. He was alive with the vibrancy generated by each meeting and it inspired not only deep feelings of desire but a need to have goals and succeed again.

His fears of being disappointed in his endeavors, of only hitting with warning track power, suddenly didn't matter anymore. He never let obstacles stop him before, why should he now? He felt the inner feeling of starting to care for another again. This began to bother him because of the fear of rejection. Rejection that may not be there at first but then the way life throws those wicked curves, later. His inner self was in a turmoil. Yes he wanted goals, dreams, aspirations, but he really didn't want to start on a new road again and then run out of time. His inner self was fighting against any deep relationship because he knew the dangers that lay in front of him if one developed. Then suddenly, one night at dinner they impulsively reached across the table and kissed, a sweet, hot desirable kiss that went from their lips to the depths of their very souls. He knew then that he needed this person very badly. It didn't matter what lay before them, the only thing that mattered was the time they had allotted to them. He didn't want his safe, complacent life anymore so throwing caution to the wind they kissed once again and the world turned upside down and spun in a crazy spiraling way that shouted "DANGER" but he just didn't care.

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