Sunday, February 6, 2011

Regal Thoughts While Perched On The Throne

Andy Pettitte retired. OMIGOSH, the Yanks pitching rotation has been thrown into a shambles.  They have an ace followed by a guy who, if not holding such a large contract, should have been traded he was so bad, another guy who had half a good season and the rest all with a wing (pardon the pun) and a prayer. But then I saw an opportunity! They must be looking for a pitcher to fill the slot left open and I got a cousin who could do just that. Oh, yeah, he's a little old but we could fix that. I bet his arm is as strong as ever and what the hell, Pettitte could only throw around 82 mph and I bet he could throw faster than that without even warming up. We gonna' have to do something about making him look younger but that shouldn't be too much trouble. That SOB has a full head of hair, hasn't lost a strand! The only hair I have is what grows out of my ears, nose and every pore in my face but not a single one on my head. Bald as a cucumber, that SOB! Ah, but I digress. The problem is he's very grey, more white. What the hell, we'll dye it jet black that should take off 20 years. Now as to his walk and height. He's not as tall as he once was and he really doesn't strut like a peacock anymore and we all know all athletes walk like the world belongs to them. I just read about this machine that is called The Rack. They claim they can straighten out your spine and give you your youthful bounce back again. That should take off another 20 years. His wife may object. You see as she got a little older she got a little shorter and if we get him back to his youthful height there would be a foot and a half between them. But what the hell, they really don't go to many dances anymore. The money they throw at him will soothe her feelings. I've got to get an agent, maybe The Avenging Agent, Scott Boras, would be interested. First we'll strengthen his arm by having him throw about 2000 balls through a small carved out hole in a wooden board. I didn't bring a pen into the Throne Room with me so I'll have to jot down some notes when I leave and before I call him up with this proposition.Then my thoughts drifted to Egypt. Boy isn't that a helluva thing going on there. Way back when a guy named Danny Skouras, related to Spyros  Skouras of Prudential-Grace Lines and 20th. Century Fox fame and I went to a night club called Little Egypt. Skouras was Greek but he wanted to see Egyptian Belly Dancers. It was then that I found out that Turkish, Egyptian and Greek, It was so long ago I am not sure, all had different steps an interpretations. I liked what I saw but didn't quite buy the idea that the dance had something to do with childbirth. We, Danny and I and a few other guys were enjoying the show when Danny jumped up on the stage shoved a few bills in the top of the skirt and whispered something in the girl's ear. She signaled someone, in my mind Arnold in his prime wasn't as big, who came over and suggested we should leave. Danny became bellicose and we were going to follow in that manner until I saw the holster that carried a gun. This changed my mind. We, ushered Danny out and we left.Later in my life I worked with an Egyptian who wasn't Muslim or anything religious. His main interest was the stock market which affect his work some what and led to his departure. But he always impressed me with his slight accent and seemingly knowledge of the market that I didn't have. I hear he got hurt badly in one of the downturns. The last encounter I had with an Egyptian of any kind was through a lady I know who married a Christian Egyptian who was very intelligent and warm hearted. Unfortunately I never met him but I bet I would have liked him if I did.As I was getting ready to leave the Throne Room my thoughts floated to this winter we are experiencing in New York City's outer boroughs. I never liked Buffalo; never wanted to visit it; never planned to see it! Yet Buffalo has chosen to visit me. We've had 11 snow storms with more to come. There are piles of snow some six feet high at corners so that you can't see any cars approaching which is an interesting adventure since  the ice seems to settle at the corners making stopping another adventure. On my block there are three cars completely buried and in Astoria one guy was in his car and died. He was discovered AFTER they dug him out. Except for the main streets all streets have narrowed because of the snow buildup, to one lane. Of course we New Yorkers play chicken especially at the end of a busy day. We who have dug out our cars never use them for fear that someone will take the space when we drive away. In any event, despite my decision to never visit or ever live in Buffalo or its environs, Buffalo has chosen to visit me and I resent that imposition greatly.I left the Throne Room after washing up and took my seat in front of the TV. I tuned into The Weather Channel to see if Buffalo was going to visit me again. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I had to call somebody but couldn't remember who so I just relaxed, then tensed up as I heard that snowstorm number 12 was on the horizon with the promise of some 10 to 14 inches. I do wish I could remember who I wanted to call, and what I wanted to tell them.         
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