Friday, May 5, 2017

The Joy of Love

Today the rain is coming down rather heavily. There is no place to go, nothing that has to be done, so it is better to wait for the storm to pass. But days like this bring me back some sixty years or so.

I was a young man on the rise. I was sitting in a classy hotel overlooking the Copacabana Beach in Rio and it was empty because despite the temperature being about 85 degrees the rain was coming down much like it is today here in New York City.

I was restless because my business was concluded and I was waiting for the official papers unblocking a quarter of a million dollars that I convinced the Brazilian financial authorities to release to my company who solely need it.  It was a big deal that resulted in a promotion and a large salary increase. I really wanted to go out on the beach, swim in the ocean and watch the Cariocas revel in Rio's playground. That's what I thought but what I really wanted was to be with my wife who was thousands of miles away back home in New York City.

God she was beautiful, beautiful and sexy. A tiger in bed that was ready to play in the sand box anytime and anywhere. Being in show business and making a name for myself and my company afforded me plenty of wild beautiful Cariocas, all it would take is a phone call. The only phone call I wanted to make was to my beautiful woman waiting at home for me to come home.

Don't get me wrong sex was and is fun and tingling and exhilarating but for me it has to be with someone I love. To tell you the truth I miss the feeling of soft skin besides me, The exchange of hot breath as we grope and explore bodies. The experience that is shared only by two lovers. Many like the feeling of the sexual experience but only a few experience the lifting of two bodies to meld the spirit. Unfortunately many think this type of thing must be for the young and aging but not the old. It is too bad many think that way because one of the worst things about being old is the exclusion from life's very enjoyable moments just because one is old.

I am transported today some sixty years in the past on a hot rainy day in Brazil looking out of the window to blend into today, a hot July, NYC day which is raining and very much like that day I remember except sixty years have gone by, my beautiful sexy woman only lives in my memory because she has gone to greater glory some years ago and I miss her very much.

I tried relationships but with each one the baggage, children, grandchildren, past relationships and the fact that I am old all played into making those relationships less than what would be desired. But I have no regrets about the life I had or the one I have. But it would be nice to experience before I die the joy of being totally involved with a person who was totally involved with me. After all that's what love is all about. Isn't it?  

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Easter Meaning, Rebirth, New Life

The celebration of the resurrected Christ is so important. All other holy days in Christianity would mean far less, if anything at all, if it wasn't for the fact that Jesus came back to life in this world after he was put to death by being nailed to the cross. By this wonderful event the world, all humanity was promised a new life after this old one was all used up. A new life, a rebirth so to speak.

The promise of Easter doesn't have to be relegated to life after death. The promise of Easter has to do with making a new life as we live this old life. We can be reborn in spirit over and over  again just by being able to put to death the old habits, old loves, old ideas and live new habits, have new ideas and most certainly new loves be they people or vocations.

The promise of Easter for us who believe in Jesus as our Lord and God, the second person in The Holy Trinity, and for me as my personal friend who walks with me in every way through everything,
is that we can can be forgiven if we forgive, we can love if we open our hearts to all we meet, we can be reborn in the spirit to a new life every time we realize our present lives are not leading us to be the person we were created to be.

And so I welcome this Easter of 2017 as a chance to be reborn in spirit and flesh. To become closer to Jesus, my friend and Lord, who gives me the chance to live this life to the fullest as I explore my capabilities which must include the ability to face changes while my heart has to be open to love and be loved. I look forward to the days following Easter 2017 because as they unfold I will be able to visualize my new life as I continue to live this old one.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

I thought I'd Miss You Less

The best thing that ever happened to me was you. I did tell you that many times but many times I acted as if that wasn't true. I am sorry for that because you always were much better than me but you never knew that.

You are one of the most beautiful woman I ever laid my eyes on and that includes super models and movie stars. Like Sophia Loren you never lost your beauty, but like wine you got better as you aged.

You have it all. You are intelligent with a flair for languages, four in which you are fluent. You were able to run a very dysfunctional household very well. You worked in the school system very effectively. But more important than all of that was the purity of your soul. Your kindness of heart and your empathy for those who were downtrodden.

Through no fault of your own you started to leave me bit by bit after we were together 35 years due to the horrors of Alzheimer's Disease and then shortly after we were together 50 years you were called home and we were separated physically until the call comes for me.

The funny thing is even though we are separated physically I feel your presence whenever my thoughts turn to you or any other things of love. The other peculiar thing is I miss you more now than when you first left. I had thought that time would lessen the feeling of loss but it doesn't as living without you makes me miss you even more than when you first left. The wound has healed so I am not bleeding as I once was but the scar reminds me of what I have lost, your soft skin, your yielding lips, hands ready to soothe, always ready to accept me and lift me up, never to throw me down.

There's no way we can correct this situation and so I shall wait until we meet again and we shall, of this I am sure.

 Until then stay with me, help me through the way of life as I live my destiny. Help me find solace and joy maybe even with some other person. But know this, you are my love first, last and always. I am so blest to have had the privilege of sharing our lives together. I love you!!!


Friday, March 3, 2017

Donald Trump -Master Manipulator

Trump complains about "fake News" yet most of what he says is "fake" as he misleads about crowds that aren't there, winning elections by landslides that aren't land-slides, promising to reveal his taxes but never does, says he doesn't know anything  about Russia or have ties there while we all know about his "Mrs. Universe" and his son saying a few years ago that more than half of their income or wealth is attributed to Russian investments.

His term is barely started and already we have one trusted advisor who was forced to resign because he lied to  the Vice President about his dealings with Russia. The Attorney General, Trump's appointee is under question about his meetings with a Russian Ambassador and had to recuse himself from investigations that may take place involving the Trump campaign that Russia tried to influence and may have, because there are smells that something may be wrong with the whole situation. Consider the fact that Paul Manafort, and others close to the campaign had to resign because of their interests in Russia's business. Yes that's correct the same Russia that was trying to influence our national election by favoring Trump while discrediting Clinton. Our intelligence community, 17 organizations reported this stopping short of suggesting that any influence exerted could be measured or that their was any collusion on the part of Trump and his cohorts. But their conclusion certainly raised questions.

On top of all this Trump and Putin seem to be having a "bromance" where Trump even likened the USA, that's right our country, to Putin's Russia indicating that we were "killers" like them.

Yet the Republican Party leaders and their fellows continue to back Trump 100%. Trump's backers don't care what he does as long as he keeps America "Great" or is that "White" again.

I hope we can resolve all the questions surrounding Trump and his cohorts soon so that our country can be "Great" again.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

True Love Lasts A Lifetime!

Lyrics- It's Over
Your baby doesn't love you any more
Golden days before they end
Whisper secrets to the wind
Your baby won't be near you any more
Tender nights before they fly
Send falling stars that seem to cry
Your baby doesn't want you any more
It's over
It breaks your heart in two, to know she's been untrue
But oh what will you do?
When she says to you
There's someone new we're through, we're through
It's over, it's over, it's over
All the rainbows in the sky start to even say goodbye
You won't be seeing rainbows any more
Setting suns before they fall, echo to you that's all that's all
But you'll see lonely sunset after all
It's over, it's over, it's over, it's over
It's over
Written by Bill Dees, Roy Orbison • Copyright © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Barbara Orbison Music Company, Orbi-Lee Music, R-Key Darkus, Universal Music Publishing Group

He lay naked on the bed dragging on a Marlboro staring out his window, looking along the Avenida Copacabana towards Corcovado with the Cristo Redentor  statue all lit up looking down on Rio with His arms outstretched looking to embrace all who lived there in His loving arms. He wondered how Cristo could love the city he always was looking at when the city seemingly was always rejecting him. He drew in a deep gulp of smoke before he snuffed out the cigarette in the ash tray that was on the bedside end table. He sat on the side of the bed and still in the dark he lifted the small bottle of Scotch that he took from the refrigerator and let the distinctive scotch taste with the alcoholic sting swivel in his mouth before he swallowed it. He lay back and lit another Marlboro dragging in the warm smoke as he let his gaze drift towards The Hunchback mountain looking directly at Cristo Redentor.

They had just made love for the last time. She was warm, soft and wonderful to the touch. The evening started out so great, they professed their undying love and couldn't contain themselves until they got to his room. Their love was unbridled, furious and passionate. Afterwards they lay exhausted in each other's arms happily content in their love for one another. They began to speak of their lives which was certainly going to change for the better he thought. He was still married but was in the middle of a messy divorce agreement. He assured her that he was committed only to her and as soon as the divorce was final they could get married. Once he mentioned that he noticed a distinct change in her whole composure, she froze.

She tried to explain that before they could even think of something as permanent as marriage they had to get to know each other better. He tried to get her to open up and let him in to her life, what had made her the person she was but she resisted. She finally said she could never commit solely to him because she had loves in her life that would always claim a part of her. She would be happy to be with him but he had to know that she could never be his a hundred percent but when she would be with him then their world would only be theirs. When she left him to go wherever she had to go then he would be excluded until they could meet again. She was asking him to accept her without question or restriction and she placed no restrictions on him.

He explained that it was bad enough to be going through a divorce which was like a death, but to have to choose between letting her go or accepting what seemed like an untenable relationship only added to the agony. Finally they embraced and wept because they knew that this affair had come to an end and there is nothing sadder than a love affair that dies. He watched her as she dressed. She reached the door turned and said, "I'll always love you.", to which he replied "And I, you!". As the door shut leaving him alone in the room he wondered how anyone could still love when the rejection was full and complete.

He was laying on the bed looking out his window at Corcovado, Cristo Redentor contemplating this very thought and then he realized that the rejection Cristo must have felt did not stop him from loving the very ones, the very place rejecting him but only made Him love them more, as it must be in this case where his one true love rejected him forever yet he couldn't stop loving her for the rest of his life.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Take a Break From Trump Politics & Enjoy A Brief Love Story

They met and it was magic from the start. Their hands touched and sparks flew. Before they knew it they were out drinking wine, making out in their cars like a bunch of teenagers although they were more middle aged. She was all over him and he her. The kisses were warm and sweet and the sky was always blue. Plans were talked about that they both knew couldn't be fulfilled but what the hell they were in love and felt young, excited and into each other in every way possible. Their song was "Day By Day", sung by Sinatra with all the meaning and love he could only deliver.

"Day by day, I'm falling more in love with you
And day by day, my love seems to grow
There isn't any end to my devotion
It's deeper, dear, by far than any ocean
I find that
Day by day you're making all my dreams come true
So, come what may, I want you to know
I'm yours alone, and I'm in love to stay
As we go through the years day by day
I'm yours alone, and I'm in love to stay
As we go through the years day by day"

Then suddenly or at least it seemed so but they should have noticed things were not quite the same. As quick as they came together by the touch of their hands suddenly they weren't holding hands. They walked together but were apart he with his hands in his pocket she never looking to slip her arm in his. The wine they were drinking was too hot or too cold. They came to the realization that their love affair was coming to an end but they just couldn't pull the trigger to end it all. Then one day they finally agreed that it was time to go their separate ways. They kissed as they parted but the kiss was more like shaking hands. The radio was playing Sinatra singing "It Was Just One Of Those Things". 

"It was just one of those things
Just one of those crazy flings
One of those bells that now and then rings
Just one of those things

It was just one of those nights
Just one of those fabulous flights
A trip to the moon on gossamer wings
Just one of those things

If we'd thought a bit, of the end of it
When we started painting the town
We'd have been aware that our love affair
Was too hot, not to cool down

So goodbye, dear, and Amen
Here's hoping we meet now and then
It was great fun
But it was just one of those things"

How apropos he thought as he drove off.

Friday, December 30, 2016

Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017

Well I got by another year assuming I get through today and tomorrow. It has struck me that many of us keep living the same life we lived before over and over again. It wasn't always like that for me. I used to get out in the middle of the river and splash around until something happened. If this something wasn't good I'd do my best to right the situation and with prayer the situation was righted. There were many times that my splashing brought up good things, fresh fish to eat and enjoy.

As I reflect on my life I can see many decisions that brought love and joy and success of some kind. I saw my wife. She was beautiful, gorgeous. Set my sights on her despite the nagging feeling that she would never see anything good in me. But after pursuing her for four or five years she finally caught me. Together we had a great life. We never stopped loving although she had early onset Alzheimer's which threw a wrench into our enjoying. Yet it was her journey she had to take and I was privileged to take it with her. It was tough but I wouldn't change it at all since it was a journey she had to take. We loved on a level we never would have reached if we didn't have this battle to fight. We had, I still have a wonderful family that has grown exponentially counting grandkids etc.,  I have to admit that it wasn't always exciting. Like the movies, we remember the scenes but have to edit out the boring moments when we were caught in ruts and were bored as hell!

I pretty much did it all, and I mean my "all", Music, writing songs, playing gigs hitting double "C,s" on my Trumpet, Acting for 15 years after I hit middle age but before that was an executive with a motion picture company (a young man on the rise), then slowed down as I reached middle management with a financial institution. The point is I didn't sit on my butt, I got out into the fray and tried to make things happen and things did happen some good some bad but for the most part life was lived.

But as I reflect on the outgoing year I let my age slow me down. Didn't make waves. Accepted life as it was thrown at me. I let the river currents move me around instead of swimming against the current to get where I should be in life. I always felt if the glass was empty it could be filled again and the wine should be savored until the glass is drained ready to be filled again.

My resolution for the New Year is to get out in that river and splash around until things happen. Bad things might happen but for every bad thing there is a good thing waiting around the corner. So there may be endings but for every ending there is a new beginning. Just because I am elderly doesn't mean I can't drink the wine of life and enjoy it to the fullest. The New Year seems very exciting to me now that I have made the resolution to face it with gusto. My motto, "Live, Love and be Happy!