Thursday, July 6, 2017

The Dark Night Of The Soul


They had a great start to a relationship. Their attraction to one another was so strong that the mere touch set off sparks that could only be put down by lying with each other until they were exhausted by their expression of their physical love. He guessed it was their infatuation stage. He read that the images of the brain during infatuation stages of couples reflected brain waves of people on drugs. They acted as if they were on drugs spending hours on the phone, looking for ways to spend time together especially finding the hot sheets of the local Inns the only way they could put out the fire that was burning in their hearts.


Like all fires the flames started to lose their energy. She started to long for old flames, not to cheat or lay with them but she missed the spark they engendered and suddenly he did not. It was like the tide changing, The waters ebbing until suddenly high tide was gone and low tide never was really any good for a good swim.


Time on his side was running out. Due to genetic makeup his time on earth was going to expire at the very most over the next decade. He wasn't quite sure when it would happen but happen it would. Knowing that his time was limited he wanted to enjoy life to the fullest each day. But it was getting more and more difficult knowing that he was being rejected on a physical level by the very person he spent the most time with. Even though they were still involved in a relationship it was one that resembled more platonic than a lovers relationship. Neither one was strong enough to break off but it was becoming clearer to him that they had in fact already broke off but just hadn't taken the steps to recognize it.


He was at wits end because he didn't know what to do. He wanted to have a relationship that reflected what they actually were to each other. If she wanted old lovers or even new lovers to spark that fiery sex experience he no longer created that was all right with him. When they were first experiencing this break in their relationship he certainly reacted badly towards this, besides being rejected she preferred others which was a deepening of rejection. But he he just didn't care if she rejected him on this level anymore because to tell the truth he had no desire to be between the sheets with her anymore. What he wanted was clarity and truth in what they meant to one another rather than going through the motions. Yet he just didn't know how to get to this level without destroying any relationship they had left. And more than all that he was well aware that the shortened time he had left to enjoy the fruits of this world was getting shorter by the day and more than ever he wanted to spend that time in peace of soul, truth and love in all its forms, because quite frankly life without passion is not life in the fullest.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Just Friends Lovers No More



A beautiful song that has been recorded by the greats Sinatra, Billie Holiday, Bobby Darin , Billy Eckstine among all of them. Check out Utube and listen with great pleasure as they tell the story of love broken, and the ashes that remain are filled with Friends.  



I might add quoting the Poet despite what ever happens it is far better to have love and lost than never to have to loved at all.

"Just Friends"

Just friends, lovers no more
Just friends but not like before
To think of what we've been
And not to kiss again

Seems like pretending
It isn't the ending
Two friends drifting apart
Two friends but one broken heart

We loved, we laughed, we cried
Then suddenly love died
The story ends and we're just friends

We loved, we laughed and we cried
Then suddenly love died
The story ends and we're just friends






Tuesday, June 13, 2017

The Trump Administration A Total Embarrassment


By  now most of the world must have seen the June 12,  2017  Donald Trump full cabinet meeting. something that could have been a nice innocuous thing to do giving a nice check mark to a Presidency that doesn't have many "nice" check marks.   A photo Op that could have just introduced the full cabinet to the world for the first time.  Instead it turned out to be what should be a very embarrassing exhibition where the world's richest and most powerful people licked Trump's boots (I could say something else but for now I'll stay with boot licking) thanking him, bowing to him verbally, and even invoking the spiritual by saying it was "such a blessing" to be able to serve him. All but one did this. General James Mattis, The Secretary of Defense said it was an honor to to be associated with the men who serve us the American people. I am surprised he didn't just get up and walk out of this disgusting exhibition that would befit the rulers of a third world power like North Korea.


The comedians are having a field day with this as are the political pundits who know when they see a farce and call it such. Even Senator Chuck Schumer and his staff made fun of the Donald Trump reality show. But one thing has to be remembered, no matter how ridiculous this appears this is a very serious thing we are watching. Under Donald Trump we, America, are becoming laughing stocks of the world. We are headed by a narcissistic person at the best or a mentally deranged one at the worst who can set off a nuclear holocaust in a moment of pique feeling unappreciated and not honored.


On top of all this it is quite possible that Trump and his family are using the Presidency to increase their wealth by letting foreign powers maker payments to them by using their facilities so that they can curry favors from them. There is an emoluments case in the courts today filed my the Attorney Generals of two jurisdictions.


Our Republican party is standing by and watching all this happen without taking action because , it would appear, they don't want to lose power putting party above country. One wag said Paul Ryan, The Speaker of The House, is the only man to prove that it IS possible to live without a spine. Mitch McConnell is just being Mitch, no surprise there.


Hopefully our checks and balances will make this nightmare come to an end soon before the whole world blows up leaving only the Trumps and their ilk to live in prosperity like the kings they really aspire to be.
 

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Us Lovers


Saw a nice little movie called "The Lovers" staring Debora Winger and Tracy Letts which tells the story of a marriage gone stale and the husband and wife juggling  affairs  It was billed as a comedy but I didn't view it as such. I thought it was a character study of  people in a life no longer filled with spark and passion but of dullness and boredom. Some people who saw this movie didn't like it as they thought it was  slow moving and filled with characters that were totally unlikeable. I thought it captured life as it is reminding me of characters I knew or heard about.  Verisimilitude is the noun I would use to describe the way I feel about this movie. Perhaps it hits to close to home for those who disagree with my critique.


The pace of the movie captures the true pace of life, moving slowly for the most part until some crisis happens and then the pace quickens until the crisis is resolved in some manner and then life returns to its normal pace. The main characters seem to have a life of cheating on each other without any explanation as to when it happened or why it happened. They aren't bad people just very fragile ones who can't seem to get hold of their emotions. I know of a woman who began cheating shortly after she thought he husband cheated on her. She kept the affair up even as she was in other torrid ones.


I know of a married couple who had affairs shortly after they took their marriage vows. They experienced only a few affairs one relationship took more than a decade and of course just like the characters in the movie they promised their lovers that they would divorce and be free to marry but when push came to shove they broke the affair and they are coupled to this day, still not very happy.


The characters in the movie were captivated by sex and the feelings of pleasure sexual behaviour gave but they never truly experienced sexual feelings that included love, a sharing of bodies that gave themselves entirely one to the other. Therefore in all actuality all they ever experienced is lusty love making but not love building. They became bored after some time and needed new charges to re-liven their batteries. Unfortunately these good but misguided people will never find happiness unless and until they find the elixir of life which is a blending of the physical and spiritual which is human love.


If you get a chance see the movie, maybe on demand if you miss it at the cinema. But don't judge the characters just see them as flawed human beings as we all are but happily not in the same way.  

  

Friday, May 5, 2017

The Joy of Love


Today the rain is coming down rather heavily. There is no place to go, nothing that has to be done, so it is better to wait for the storm to pass. But days like this bring me back some sixty years or so.


I was a young man on the rise. I was sitting in a classy hotel overlooking the Copacabana Beach in Rio and it was empty because despite the temperature being about 85 degrees the rain was coming down much like it is today here in New York City.


I was restless because my business was concluded and I was waiting for the official papers unblocking a quarter of a million dollars that I convinced the Brazilian financial authorities to release to my company who solely need it.  It was a big deal that resulted in a promotion and a large salary increase. I really wanted to go out on the beach, swim in the ocean and watch the Cariocas revel in Rio's playground. That's what I thought but what I really wanted was to be with my wife who was thousands of miles away back home in New York City.


God she was beautiful, beautiful and sexy. A tiger in bed that was ready to play in the sand box anytime and anywhere. Being in show business and making a name for myself and my company afforded me plenty of wild beautiful Cariocas, all it would take is a phone call. The only phone call I wanted to make was to my beautiful woman waiting at home for me to come home.


Don't get me wrong sex was and is fun and tingling and exhilarating but for me it has to be with someone I love. To tell you the truth I miss the feeling of soft skin besides me, The exchange of hot breath as we grope and explore bodies. The experience that is shared only by two lovers. Many like the feeling of the sexual experience but only a few experience the lifting of two bodies to meld the spirit. Unfortunately many think this type of thing must be for the young and aging but not the old. It is too bad many think that way because one of the worst things about being old is the exclusion from life's very enjoyable moments just because one is old.


I am transported today some sixty years in the past on a hot rainy day in Brazil looking out of the window to blend into today, a hot July, NYC day which is raining and very much like that day I remember except sixty years have gone by, my beautiful sexy woman only lives in my memory because she has gone to greater glory some years ago and I miss her very much.


I tried relationships but with each one the baggage, children, grandchildren, past relationships and the fact that I am old all played into making those relationships less than what would be desired. But I have no regrets about the life I had or the one I have. But it would be nice to experience before I die the joy of being totally involved with a person who was totally involved with me. After all that's what love is all about. Isn't it?  
     

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Easter Meaning, Rebirth, New Life


The celebration of the resurrected Christ is so important. All other holy days in Christianity would mean far less, if anything at all, if it wasn't for the fact that Jesus came back to life in this world after he was put to death by being nailed to the cross. By this wonderful event the world, all humanity was promised a new life after this old one was all used up. A new life, a rebirth so to speak.


The promise of Easter doesn't have to be relegated to life after death. The promise of Easter has to do with making a new life as we live this old life. We can be reborn in spirit over and over  again just by being able to put to death the old habits, old loves, old ideas and live new habits, have new ideas and most certainly new loves be they people or vocations.


The promise of Easter for us who believe in Jesus as our Lord and God, the second person in The Holy Trinity, and for me as my personal friend who walks with me in every way through everything,
is that we can can be forgiven if we forgive, we can love if we open our hearts to all we meet, we can be reborn in the spirit to a new life every time we realize our present lives are not leading us to be the person we were created to be.


And so I welcome this Easter of 2017 as a chance to be reborn in spirit and flesh. To become closer to Jesus, my friend and Lord, who gives me the chance to live this life to the fullest as I explore my capabilities which must include the ability to face changes while my heart has to be open to love and be loved. I look forward to the days following Easter 2017 because as they unfold I will be able to visualize my new life as I continue to live this old one.



Thursday, March 30, 2017

I thought I'd Miss You Less


The best thing that ever happened to me was you. I did tell you that many times but many times I acted as if that wasn't true. I am sorry for that because you always were much better than me but you never knew that.


You are one of the most beautiful woman I ever laid my eyes on and that includes super models and movie stars. Like Sophia Loren you never lost your beauty, but like wine you got better as you aged.


You have it all. You are intelligent with a flair for languages, four in which you are fluent. You were able to run a very dysfunctional household very well. You worked in the school system very effectively. But more important than all of that was the purity of your soul. Your kindness of heart and your empathy for those who were downtrodden.


Through no fault of your own you started to leave me bit by bit after we were together 35 years due to the horrors of Alzheimer's Disease and then shortly after we were together 50 years you were called home and we were separated physically until the call comes for me.


The funny thing is even though we are separated physically I feel your presence whenever my thoughts turn to you or any other things of love. The other peculiar thing is I miss you more now than when you first left. I had thought that time would lessen the feeling of loss but it doesn't as living without you makes me miss you even more than when you first left. The wound has healed so I am not bleeding as I once was but the scar reminds me of what I have lost, your soft skin, your yielding lips, hands ready to soothe, always ready to accept me and lift me up, never to throw me down.

There's no way we can correct this situation and so I shall wait until we meet again and we shall, of this I am sure.

 Until then stay with me, help me through the way of life as I live my destiny. Help me find solace and joy maybe even with some other person. But know this, you are my love first, last and always. I am so blest to have had the privilege of sharing our lives together. I love you!!!